{Moving isn't for weenies}

Haha and I am one.
A big, fat weenie.
Exploding with selfishness
when put over the campfire.

Man, I am not proud.
And strangely, I DID KNOW
I DID UNDERSTAND GOING IN...
this will be hard.
I must put my big girl panties on.

But I quickly traded the big girl panties
for a pacifier and dirty diapers.
Ugh. Again, I am not proud.
Wish I could have passed the test
with flying colors.
Wish I could have integrated into
this small town
like a red ant on a populated dirt hill

But William Wordsworth's sonnet keeps ringing in my ears:
"The World is Too Much With [Me]"
I felt and sometimes still feel every judging eye upon me.
I heard and sometimes still hear a loud cacophony of doubt in my own heart.
I mourned and sometimes still mourn the widening distance of old friendships.
Yes, the World is Too Much with me.
And to quote Taylor Swift, I can't shake it off.

It's funny, two different people whom I told I was moving,
had reactions that replay like a DVR in my mind....

These were people who had experienced moving
and who didn't seem like big, fat weenies to me,
(Unpause)
..when I told them I was moving, they both
whispered, in hushed and horrified tones,
like hearing the news of an early and unexpected death "oh, I'm soo sorry."
One's eyes grew large and she shook her head slowly, pityingly...
(Pause)
I thought IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

Well, it was. It was!
And that's no reflection on the state of Illinois!
Or the southern region in which we reside.
Or the tiny town in which we settled.
It's just that this place wasn't home.
And it's missing the comforts of home.
And the friends of home.
And the restaurants of home.
And the boutiques of home.
Now we're really getting to what matters.  The shopping.
Ha.  Kidding not kidding.  Shopping matters.
Big fat weenies feel better after going shopping. Right?

Moving isn't for weenies.  I will preach it to the mountains.
It's true, through and through.
But it doesn't mean we weren't SUPPOSED to move
or that I am destined to be a weenie all my wiener long life.

Or that I wouldn't move with my family here to this place all over again.