Airport Security Diaries

On our way to Cancun, we got to experience the newfangled x-ray machine at our local airport that looks like something Captain Kirk may have used. Forget the good old walk through xray. On by one, we stepped into an intimidating looking cylinder. We each had to space our feet apart and form our hands, strangely, into a diamond shape on top of our heads. Then, a whirring panel circled around until somebody in uniform yelled "clear!"

I didn't get the magic word "clear," but instead was whisked into a separate holding area, apparently for terrorists and moms alike. I stood there on the mat, my naked feet placed into the printed shoe outlines with my arms straight out in surrender. "Just relax ma'am," said the guard. How could I relax when I feared that someone may perform a body cavity search at any second?

At that same time, another guard notified me that I needed to watch him search one of our bags that had come through the x-ray machine. "Ok!" I said, relieved, dropping my arms. "Don't move," barked the first TSA official, "You are not clear!" 2 seconds later, he bulleted, "CLEAR."

I walked over to the bag searching area. The bag in question was Ellie's black carry-on, covered with neon colored peace signs. Did they think a bomb would be planted in a bag covered with peace signs? He began disassembling the contents of Ellie's bag with his rubber-gloved hands. Remember, this is Ellie we are talking about. The one who wore an elf hat the whole 12 hour journey to our destination. The one who loves gadgets of any kind. A strange little soul. Knowing her bag was being searched and picturing herself thrown in jail, Ellie's face soon matched her hat. He slowly pulled the following items out of her bag:
1 pair of large binoculars.
1 Nintendo DS case with a variety of games
1 pair of neon green vampire teeth
2 large bouncy balls
2 chapter books
1 small etch a sketch
3 rubber rats - 2 black and 1 grey
1 dog wallet
1 duck tape wallet
1 large white and black spotted leopard stuffed animal
and finally, he fished out....
1 pair of metal handcuffs.

Dangling them in front of my face, a smile spread over his.
"THIS," he said, stifling a laugh, "is the problem."

At that point the whole line of officers burst out laughing, as Ellie began panicking.
The tension finally broke and we all tried to reassure Ellie that everything was OK.

She was not going to jail, she was going to go to Cancun and she had probably made everyone's day. As we walked off, the head officer joked with my mom from his platform, "hey lady, are you the one who brought the handcuffs?" "No!" she yelled back, "can you guess who it is? The one in the elf hat!"

Little did mom know that her time was coming. On our way home from Cancun, she was pulled into a separate area and searched with a metal detector not once but TWICE! Can you picture that scene? The officer waving the wand over every part of her body and mom fit to be tied. At least we got a good laugh from it all!

Hurtin' for a Good Laugh

My bones just need it.

And it's just not just a psychological thing, though I can be quite psycho at times.

It's scientific.
It's quantifiable.
It's physiological.

Check out how humor contributes to physical health: (according to this website)

Muscle Relaxation - Belly laugh results in muscle relaxation. While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relaxes. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax. So, the action takes place in two stages.

Reduction of Stress Hormones - Laughter reduces at least four of neuroendocrine hormones associated with stress response. These are epinephrine, cortisol, dopac, and growth hormone.

Immune System Enhancement - Clinical studies have shown that humor strengthens the immune system.

Pain Reduction - Humor allows a person to "forget" about pains such as aches, arthritis, etc.

Cardiac Exercise - A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging." Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning especially for those who are unable to perform physical exercises.

Blood Pressure - Women seem to benefit more than men in preventing hypertension.

Respiration - Frequent belly laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect - similar to deep breathing. Especially beneficial for patient's who are suffering from emphysema and other respiratory ailments.

Wow, do I ever need a good laugh.

I'm feeling the frustration of trying to be

everything to everybody on everyday at everymoment.

I am energetic PTA member

dependable soccer mom

yes lady to many a task

on-top-of-it Bible Study girl

keeper of the calendar

oh so athletic tennis mama HAHAHAHA

queen bee of the home

doctor and pharmacist

brillant tutor of math and reading

gourmet cook of many healthy dishes

yet chicken lickin skinny mini

thoughtful, loving, daughter

never-forgets-to-call grandaughter

super sister

awesome blogger

bubbly friend

adoring wonderiffic wife

supportive coach's spouse

taking one for the team

always fill in when you need her volunteer

never forget to pack a snack in the backpack kind of mom.

English Teacher Extrordiare

to put it another way....
I'm timekeeper, referee, and cheerleader.
And most of the time, the starting quarterback.
Heck, I also sell the tickets and clean up the crud after the game.

Pleaser

Parent

Prayer

Pillow
Pretty

Pickerupper

Planter of flowers

Part time Printshop

Previewer of Books, Movies and other media

Plucker of Attitudes

Player of Games

Piano Teacher

Protector of my kiddos

Passionate Preacher

Play Practice Princess

Phone Police
"Pick up Your Stuff" Yeller

Peace keeper

Party Planner

Poop Patrol

Producer of Eggs

Preventer of Accidents

PTA Phreak -(!!!!!)

Pretender to have it all together
Picker of noses

and other orifices.

Priveleged to do each and every one of these things.

But Prover of only one thing:

I can't do it all.

you can't do it all.

i know that i'm not the first one to feel this way.

So half-done.

So scattered.

So lacking.

Cause I can't effectively be all the things i really want to be.

But.

One thing I know that I am.

I AM a Child of the King.

I know the truth is that i only need to be what He wants me to be.

expectations and true desires aside.

Starting now.

And what he wants me to do right now, right this minute is laugh. Be healthy. Be happy.

Here are a few things that make me laugh:

Ellie is preparing her Nerd costume for Halloween. She found these glasses at the thrift store. She can always bring a smile to our faces.

My friend Kerry came into town from Thomas for a meeting and stayed here with us for one night. It was like having a cross between Lisa Kudrow and Anjelah Johnson in my house.

Kerry is so stinking funny.

I have always adored Calvin and Hobbes. Click on cartoon to get a closer laugh.




And finally, this guy cracks me up. Check out all his videos on You Tube.

You may just get a good laugh yourself.

Hair-larious

I have a new person in blogosphere who keeps me entertained. Her latest post on Labor Day cracked me up. A few days before that, she posted about Yearbook Yourself, a site that lets you picture how you would have looked in decades gone by. You just upload a pic, fiddle with it a bit and you are instantly transformed into June Cleaver or Madonna. The results were just so stinking true that it made my skin crawl while simultaneously feeling like I may pee my pants. So, in the spirit of self humiliation (I seem to do that a lot!) here are the pics.... 1952 - This one kind of freaks me out. It looks sorta real.

1958 - Sweet - I really think I could've dug living in this era

1960 - Lookin' a little like Judy?

1962 - What were they thinking?

1966 - I only know one person in real life who has this much hair! Chere! I'm so jealous of her awesome hair.

1972 - Hmmm... Hairstyles Gone Wrong?

1974 - Smooth and Silky

1976 - I think my hair looked like this in 1980... I was just a few years behind the styles..

1984 - Get into the Groove

1986 - Huh?

1990 - my sister's hair style in 1990 - I can see her in her Homecoming Queen dress looking like a beauty

1994 - I have a picture of myself that looks EXCATLY like this. Actually several dozen pictures. I wore my hair like this for years. Still do, sometimes. I just can't get over the big hair look

2000 - I don't remember this style, do you? Blech!

I haven't told Tom that they have a guy's version. Hee hee!! He may find out the hard way.