Saturday, April 28, 2012

Metta World Peace and Cuba Gooding Jr.

Oddly, the last few days I've had these two men running through my head.

You may think it's strange, and so do I. But I do have reasons.

I can kind of identify with Metta World Peace.  I am trying to hold together an image of who I am and who I claim to be , but inside I just feel like violently elbowing someone to soothe my frustration. Pray for World Peace. And for me. We are really no different. And try not to judge us.

I am also reminded of Cuba Gooding Jr.  I could be wrong about my movie reference here, because I'm not the kind of girl who remembers much about movies.  But I do recall a stunning and powerful scene in which I think Cuba starred that I watched years ago.  I think it was called Man of Honor and in it, there was a man who was called upon to do a job. That job was to save the ship by swimming down to shut a hatch or something to that effect. Anyway the powerful part was that this man knew that he would not make it out alive - that he would be sacrificing everything he had to do the right thing.  And agonized, he dove in.  Nothing in him WANTED to make that choice.

That's how I feel about moving.  There is not a shred of my being, my heart, my soul, my body that wants to make this move. Except that I know it's the right thing for my husband. So I am diving in...

I will fare much better than that character.  This was just a character.... I am living a real life under a real God who will guide us and show us his unfathomable grace and favor.  He will do more than we ask or imagine. He will carry us when we are sad and show us the way.

Today, I read this verse (from The Message):

Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple. Luke 14:33

I am willing, Lord.
Pray for peace.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Let's just be honest here... my life lately has featured all flavors of meltdowns.

There's the
and MeltdownWhileDriving

I've even had the CallAFriendWhileSobbingAndScreamingMeltdown. Not pretty.

It is something that frankly I am terribly embarrassed of. It seems like I am taking this move kicking and screaming. My friend told me yesterday when another one of her friends had to move away to Ohio, she simply didn't answer the door when the movers came.  Just couldn't.  That's how I feel too.  I. Just. Don't. Want. To. Leave. I. Just. Don't. Want. To. Leave.I. Just. Don't. Want. To. Leave.  And the emotion is exhausting. 

Last week, after a TalkingOnThePhoneMeltdown, I came in the house to find Kami doing her homework. Plugging away.  I said to her, "Kami how are you doing this? How are you so strong?" And she looked me in the eye and said,

"I want the best for my dad." 

That was it. 
7 simple words .
And faith like a child.

Pray I can be stronger.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The True Road To Somewhere

In the last 2 weeks...
we flew on a lear jet...
went from being eagles to salukis
gained a football team

became "Under Armour" people 

and found a probable new high school in a town of five thousand

this is kind of how I feel when I wake up each morning

or actually kind of like this

even though I really should feel like this

because I believe this!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Feels Like I'm Leaving Eden

Ok. Maybe I'm overemotional. That's a given.

But as I sit and face the new life that awaits us in Carbondale, Illinois,

a new and exciting job for Tom, associate head coach at Southern Illinois University with Barry Hinson....
(thank you Barry for believing in my husband)

I just cannot part with the old. It seems like the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Say goodbye to family and friends and schools and churches and jobs our home and the

only place our kids have ever known. Say goodbye to LOVE.

Do I really have to do this Lord?

Little images float through my mind, tiny scenes from the past.....

Every moment that matters has been here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. How do I pick up and leave that behind? Why would you want me to? And a prayer comes to my soul....

Father, Grant me the strength to do what I never wanted to.
Help us to shine your name wherever we go.
Be near to us oh God as we make more changes
than we ever really thought we would have to make.
Orchestrate each and every detail!
May we be a blessing to Southern Illinois University...
and God... have mercy on me in my sadness...
turn it to gladness, for my husband,
for my children and for a new faith-filled adventure.

Oh Lord.... it does feel like I'm leaving Eden.
Feels like I'm leaving Eden
Feels like I'm leaving Eden, oh
It's like I'm further away with every step I take
And I can't go back 'cause I'm leaving Eden