S'up?

S'up is that I'm totally absorbed with this:and this:

and this: (just the one on the left) and that's a good thing. I'm just thankful for each minute....

even if I am spending hours (upon hours) after school in the car, being this:

but I wouldn't trade it for anything. No sir.


I read this on my trip to New York. You've gotta pick it up. Unique, refreshing, encouraging and a true story.

A little earthly window into that very real place called heaven.
Get it today. They have it at Sam's for ten bucks.

And of course what's up this time a year is always, always basketball.
And MORE basketball.
After a gut-wrenching start to the season
(I think we were 5-12 at one point - this is cause for misery),
we recovered at the end and won, I think 10 in a row!
We lost a tough one last night on ESPN2,
but God is good when we win and He's good when we lose.
I found myself praising Him despite the loss.






Ah! I had one of these!

And I mention that because I got this from a dear friend! Looking forward to taking it in.

Experiencing more of God's love and presence.

Not just going through the motions. A paradigm shift.

I love what I saw on Twitter (yes, I joined twitter! @anniehank)...

C.S. Lewis: God is basic Fact. He must not be thought of as a featureless generality. He is the most concrete thing there is.

And THAT's What's UP.

Smudges

No griping at kids,
no forcing them to clean it up
with a rag and spray bottle of kitchen cleanser.
Just a slight grimace
overcome by a smile and recognition:
this won't last forever,
so enjoy the sweet smudges
{they're only smudges}
while you can.

Homebound

Being homebound with the kids because of record snowfall on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday brings a blizzard of feelings and thoughts.

I find myself caught between 2 extremes: 1) wanting to play family games in front of the fire and 2) knock out a few walls and remodel the top floor of my house. What to do?

So I have done a little of everything the last few days and who knows how many more.

(I'm a little worried we won't go back to school until March. There is more snow in the forecast and Lord knows we Southerners do not deal well with even an inch or two of snow, much less 14!)

My current list of accomplishments:
*Taught the girls to play backgammon.
*Had my hair cut and colored (my neighbor does my hair! - I skiied over to her house)
*Cleaned out a junk drawer and filled it with organized files (why is this type of organization so hard for me? I think I am ADD when it comes to this!)
*Blogged a little
*Had the kids do a little homework/piano practice (not easy, I tell ya)
*Straightened up my closet
*Watched Toddlers and Tiaras with Kami (great mommy/daughter time, right?)
*Fixed some homemade chicken and noodle soup that reminds me of granny.
*Entertained the kids' friends.
*worked on nominating a new Exec board for next year's PTA

If I got all those things done, why do I feel so worthless and slothful?

My kids had a singular purpose today, and that was to build igloos in the snow. And work they did, all day long. They are feeling particularly accomplished with their igloos. One of them has four tunnels that meet together in the middle. I think they could sleep in there. And another has a tunnel long enough to fit three kids in it... they called it their fox hole!

I am wondering how much longer we will be homebound and what I will get accomplished tomorrow?

I Caught My Dog Worshipping God Today

Wilson is such a good dog. He crates contentedly. He was potty trained in a few, short days. No kidding! He has had two surgeries and absolutely will not chew on his stitches. He cuddles on command. He plays rowdily when summoned. He knows how to sit and a few other tricks. And now he worships God. I saw it.

I let him outside the afternoon and the weather was warm and musty with leaves. Wilson sensed that too and decided to stay out back for awhile. Later, I checked on him and saw him sitting on the ground, nose pointed to the sky, eyes closed, breathing in life. And I thought, I bet he's worshipping the one true God, what a dog! Can you picture the moment? I ran right out with my camera to capture the doggy devotional, but he of course looked up at my interruption. Let's all be more like Wilson tomorrow... and just take a minute to stop, breathe in the fresh air and worship God!

Sometimes

Sometimes
I have a hard time reconciling what I believe with what I see...
It can be dumbfounding.

Sometimes
I don't know how I'll be able watch my kids experience the natural pains of life...
Even tiny troubles can send me spinning.

Sometimes
I feel regret that maybe I haven't turned out exactly the way my parents may have wished...
I can't help but wondering.

Sometimes
I look in the mirror and wonder how to "age gracefully...."
Is it really possible?

Somtimes
my emotions corner me like a wild kitten....
and I lay awake not sleeping.

Sometimes
it takes a gargantan effort to do simple tasks around the house...
Why is this?

Sometimes
I feel so far away from God...
I know I've been slacking.

Sometimes

I feel something bigger welling up in me. Not an emotion but a physical sensation. And it seems to grow until it pokes through my chest, like a sharpened log.
It does sometimes hurt,
but it overcomes the
doubt
anxiety
regret
fear
hurt
fatigue
and lonliness that I sometimes feel.

Oftentimes
I feel faith
pushing up through my heart
driving me to be a stronger person,
one who is sure of what she hopes for and certain of what she does not see
one who casts all her cares upon Him because he cares for her
one who believes that he has a plan for her life
one who is fears not, for God is with her
one who rises up on wings like eagles
one who find her significance in Him.

Oftentimes,
I am so grateful... for without faith,
I would be at the mercy of Sometimes.

God be at All Times with Me!

Covered with the Blood of Christ

Ellie, bless her little heart, is a worrier.

Her mama understands the thoughts that swirl and churn, creating a caldron of poison in the mind and tummy.

I do so get that.

Lately, she's back to the old worry that there is an alligator under her bed, a fox in her closet and/or a snake in the covers. She even has an explanation for how an alligator made his way under her bed all the way from Floria.

I've had to do some counseling lately with the sensitive hearted child and I've tried to explain to her that the devil tells lies and that Jesus is truth.

I remind her that of all those nights that she's worried, have even one time her worries actually materialized? No!

See, the devil lies to her. And she is divinely protected by the blood of Christ. He holds her in the palm of his hand!

And if, just if, there did happen to be a fox in her closet or a wasp in her room (a little more realistic) that Jesus himself would give her the strength to make it through that moment.

She is covered with the Blood of Christ in all circumstances.

Then I took a little picture of her worried face, not realizing that God in his own way was showing us how he covered her worry with the cross. Even when she can't see it. Even when she doesn't know it.
Though it is just the shadow of the window pane, we both saw a bigger significance in this picture.

Now if I can just remember this when I wrestle my thoughts on dark, lonely nights.

Got Encouragement?

When's the last time someone really took the time to be an encouragement to you?

Well, for me, that was a couple of days back when a friend who keeps up with my blog took the time to send me a really thoughtful message:

On another note – I just want to encourage you, my friend, to let up on the “wish I was funnier” script you’ve got playing in your head. You, dear Annie, are joyous, genuine, kind-hearted, deep-thinking, and a lover of life in all its shadows and nuances – you don’t need any kind of crack-up funny, sarcastic one-liners to make people smile and enjoy life! Let it go, Annie dear! You are “fearfully and wonderfully made” – just the way you are!

Isn't that nice? But not just sugar coated nice, but encouraging in a real life way... kind of a kind little kick in the booty that really ended up meaning a lot to me.

Take note, dear friend, that hereby and henceforth, I will officially refrain from self-condemnation of my (lack of) wittiness on this blog. That sentence is about as confusing as the health-care bill. What I am saying in layman's terms is that I will not talk about how unfunny I am anymore!!! :-)

So, just one more question to ask you:
When is the last time you were a true encouragement to someone in your life?

Just asking.

2010 in The Year of Our Lord

There are an explosion of things to like about a new year. Besides parties and resolutions there is a fresh start and new hope. Remembering the past, yet looking forward with clean slate.

My favorite thing about the new year doesn't fade like the memory of a party or wear off like new year's resolutions. It won't tarnish.

My favorite thing?
I take comfort and joy in the fact that we are living in the year 2010 A.D.

That is 2010 A.D. (anno Domini, not "after death" as many think), which is Latin for "in the year of our Lord."

In the early 6th century, Dionysius Exiguus was commissoned by the pope to find the correct date of Easter. In doing this, he invented a new system of counting time, and the system replaced their current system, the Diocletian era. Thus time changed that year from Diocletian 247 to A.D. 532.

(Side note: Since B.C. means Before Christ and A.D. reflects that Christ was born upon the earth, there is no year 0. The time literally COUNTS DOWN B.C. until the Birth of Christ 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and then immediately moves to 1 A.D., the year of our Lord - interesting to me at least!)

And since then, every year, the world counts time according to the birth of the one who made it all possible.

There are experts who say Dionysius got it wrong, that Jesus was actually born closer to the year 4 BC. There are also those who, opposed to living under a system that presupposes a Christian belief, refer to the year as 2010 CE (common era). I don't care.

None of that bothers me a bit, because the year 2010 resounds in my heart.

The government can take the 10 commandments out of the courthouses, but they cannot take away the faith that is strengthened every time I write the year and think about the fact that we are indeed living in year 2010, the year of MY LORD.

Faux Paux?

This year, Tom told me what he wanted for Christmas.

Silverware.

You know it's bad when your husband is asking for new silverware for Christmas. When we were married, we did recieve a full set of everyday silverware, but that was 13+ years ago. There were a few lone survivors from our original set, but for the most part, we had accumulated a motely crew of eating utensils.

So... I went and picked out something that we could use for the next 13 years or so. It wasn't until I lugged it inside the house I realized that tucked up into the very tip top of my kitchen cabinets was a full and shiny set of our "nice" silverware that we had received as gifts 13+ years ago.

Hmmmm. Should I save it for another 13 years? Or should I go ahead and use it now? For the record, I had pretty bad taste 13+ years ago.... I just got rid of our dark green tinted drinking glasses last year. But I really am not picky about stuff like that.... as much as I'd like to be a domestic diva... that I ain't. And I like the "nice" silverware just fine! I would enjoy using it because if there's one thing I hate, that is wasting things. And it sure seems like a waste for my silverware to be unused for another decade. But will I be sorry? Will I look back with angst and think, "why oh WHY did I ever use that nice silverware? How could I be so stupid?" Why do people save the good stuff anyway? To use on holidays and special occasions? To pass down to their grandchildren? Am I wrong? Am I delusional? Am I socially unacceptable? Somebody, come to my rescue.... tell me what is proper yet practical.

9 from '09 and 10 for '10

9 highlights from '09.

In Chronological Order
1. My 40th!
2. Kami Elected Mayor of Biztown
3. God Using Boxes to Teach Me a Lesson
4. Ellie Falling in Love with Laura Ingalls Wilder
5. Luke Repeating Kindergarten
6. Tiff Accepting Christ
7. I Landed a New Job
8. ORU Basketball Trip to Cancun
9. Christmas Eve Blizzard

10 thoughts for '10
don't want to call them "resolutions" - seems risky to do so.

Instead, I'll call them strong thoughts for the new year.

Thought 1. Simply said, Pursue God. Put away distractions. Focus more on the life-giver because He brings me PEACE. Nuthin' else works. Most everything else I think brings me peace ends up stealing it in the end. Ironic, huh?

Thought 2. Slow Down. Say NO more. All those YESES are getting me nowhere but on "E." As my friend Rena said in a post yesterday, "Where is my peace? What have I traded it for?" My list is long.

Thought 3. Play tennis. Have fun. Enjoy it. Watch out Serena! (This is a huge leap for me.... I have zero athletic ability, but I have a great group of ladies encouraging me and some killer tennis skirts! I'm trying to stick with it.)

Thought 4. Fill myself and my family with better food. Cut down on poison sugar.

Thought 5. Love more. When in doubt, love. When entertaining thoughts of bitterness, just drop it. Because bitterness kills, but love covers. (Rena, if you have that link, send it to me!)

Thought 6. Take care of my skin. Wear sunscreen, even though I really need a tan. I am a WHITE girl. Don't be afraid to use expensive products to help with skin problems and issues that began when I worshipped the sun in my 20's. If I had only listened to my Dad. That's why I put my name in for Georgie's FAB giveaway!

Thought 7. Think of those in need and try to help. Be a better friend. Even a small action each day would be great. A phone call. A note. A prayer. A hug. Chocolate. (Dark of course)

Thought 8. Give up the basketball angst. I've got it. I hate it and I'm giving it up. No amount of pain or worry about our team has ever made a difference. This year I'm giving up the angst. God is much bigger than basketball.

Thought 9. Become funny. It's something I've always wanted to do. I have a long way to go on that one. Ha-ha. A more realistic goal is learning from my blog friend Kathleen. She blogs well and she blogs often. Writing is one of my favorite things and I want to more consistently document our family story like she does! Now if I could just be funny doing so. Wouldn't that be great!

Thought 10. Teach my kids more scriptures. That's no joke. I want to share it with them while I still can. It's more valuable than anything on earth. See for yourself it's benefits: Psalm 19: 7-11 The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

It's That Time of Year Again

Once November hits, my world spins a little faster than normal.

Basketball season arrives.

If I could cuss on my blog, I would do that now.

Because (insert cuss word), it can really be tough on a family.

Yes, I am thankful my husband has a job. I am thankful I have a husband. I am thankful for health. Believe me, I am counting my blessings.

But allow me to whine for just one moment, will you? Because being married to a coach can really be (insert cuss word) sometimes.

The traveling. The losing. The injuries. The missing. The pressure. The stress. The unknown. The busyness. The absentness. The lonliness. The future. (insert cuss word)

I get this way every season. You think I'd get used to it. But it's hard to get used to your heart getting stripped dry. It is hard to get used to putting up the Christmas lights by yourself for the 14th year in a row. It is hard not to feel sad again when I turn on the radio and hear that the Golden Eagles have lost a game.

But every year, this year being no exception, God humbles me and reminds me that this is where he wants me. It is not coincidence that the dark and cold days of fall and winter are the days I am seeking His face most. It is in fact a privelege... because left to my own devices I would most certainly, certainly try to do it all on my own.

But November levels me. Reminds me.... I need God. I need Him on a very real and personal way. I need Him more than my fleeting prayers and my Sunday sermons and my quick look at His Word. I need Him like I need my next breath.

Basketball season gives me the opportunity to experience Him working in a very real and powerful way in my life. Giving me strength (and patience!) to deal with 3 demanding kids on my own. Giving me wisdom to understand that my life really does not depend on 12 college basketball players, but Him alone. Giving me more faith each and every year. I can feel it growing. It does hurt. But it's just a few faith growing pains. Reminding me that "the rock" is not that round orange ball, as it is sometimes called, but HIM.

He is my rock.

Then come the blessings. The assurance. The peace. They do come. Not immediately. Not at all immediately. Annoying slowly actually. But in His time.

I have a feeling I am not the only one. We all have the things that bring us to our knees. I want you to know I can relate. When you think you are the only one struggling with whatever. Just know I struggle too.

Deep breath.

The cussing is over for now. I am determined to trust in the Lord with all my heart and rely not on my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my paths. I pray you do the same.

Fire!

I opened my window
and pushed out the screen.
Had to capture a picture of the
blazing fire outside my bedroom window,
while it's still burning.
Hot!

Disappointment

He stands imposingly in the doorway.
Broad shouldered, darkly staring me down.
Accusing. Glaring. Denouncing.

I steal a look at him and run weakly to my hiding spot,
like an injured rabbit.
Where my eyes grow bloodshot hot
and my heart red heavy.
Foolish. Scared. Embarrassed.

It seems impossible to face him.

To go up against him nose to nose.
Confident. Empowered. Believing.

I would rather not take the risk.
And turn inward.
Quiet. Paralyzed. Numb.

Or I would rather fight him like a crazy woman.
Swing my fist into his jaw, hair flying insanely.
Wild. Angry. Hurt.

Instead.

I will pick myself up.
I will walk calmly towards him.
I will give him a steel look in the eye.
Mouth set, I will say firmly,
"Move over. I am coming through."

Faith-filled. Moving forward. Expecting God's best.

Hurtin' for a Good Laugh

My bones just need it.

And it's just not just a psychological thing, though I can be quite psycho at times.

It's scientific.
It's quantifiable.
It's physiological.

Check out how humor contributes to physical health: (according to this website)

Muscle Relaxation - Belly laugh results in muscle relaxation. While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relaxes. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax. So, the action takes place in two stages.

Reduction of Stress Hormones - Laughter reduces at least four of neuroendocrine hormones associated with stress response. These are epinephrine, cortisol, dopac, and growth hormone.

Immune System Enhancement - Clinical studies have shown that humor strengthens the immune system.

Pain Reduction - Humor allows a person to "forget" about pains such as aches, arthritis, etc.

Cardiac Exercise - A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging." Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning especially for those who are unable to perform physical exercises.

Blood Pressure - Women seem to benefit more than men in preventing hypertension.

Respiration - Frequent belly laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect - similar to deep breathing. Especially beneficial for patient's who are suffering from emphysema and other respiratory ailments.

Wow, do I ever need a good laugh.

I'm feeling the frustration of trying to be

everything to everybody on everyday at everymoment.

I am energetic PTA member

dependable soccer mom

yes lady to many a task

on-top-of-it Bible Study girl

keeper of the calendar

oh so athletic tennis mama HAHAHAHA

queen bee of the home

doctor and pharmacist

brillant tutor of math and reading

gourmet cook of many healthy dishes

yet chicken lickin skinny mini

thoughtful, loving, daughter

never-forgets-to-call grandaughter

super sister

awesome blogger

bubbly friend

adoring wonderiffic wife

supportive coach's spouse

taking one for the team

always fill in when you need her volunteer

never forget to pack a snack in the backpack kind of mom.

English Teacher Extrordiare

to put it another way....
I'm timekeeper, referee, and cheerleader.
And most of the time, the starting quarterback.
Heck, I also sell the tickets and clean up the crud after the game.

Pleaser

Parent

Prayer

Pillow
Pretty

Pickerupper

Planter of flowers

Part time Printshop

Previewer of Books, Movies and other media

Plucker of Attitudes

Player of Games

Piano Teacher

Protector of my kiddos

Passionate Preacher

Play Practice Princess

Phone Police
"Pick up Your Stuff" Yeller

Peace keeper

Party Planner

Poop Patrol

Producer of Eggs

Preventer of Accidents

PTA Phreak -(!!!!!)

Pretender to have it all together
Picker of noses

and other orifices.

Priveleged to do each and every one of these things.

But Prover of only one thing:

I can't do it all.

you can't do it all.

i know that i'm not the first one to feel this way.

So half-done.

So scattered.

So lacking.

Cause I can't effectively be all the things i really want to be.

But.

One thing I know that I am.

I AM a Child of the King.

I know the truth is that i only need to be what He wants me to be.

expectations and true desires aside.

Starting now.

And what he wants me to do right now, right this minute is laugh. Be healthy. Be happy.

Here are a few things that make me laugh:

Ellie is preparing her Nerd costume for Halloween. She found these glasses at the thrift store. She can always bring a smile to our faces.

My friend Kerry came into town from Thomas for a meeting and stayed here with us for one night. It was like having a cross between Lisa Kudrow and Anjelah Johnson in my house.

Kerry is so stinking funny.

I have always adored Calvin and Hobbes. Click on cartoon to get a closer laugh.




And finally, this guy cracks me up. Check out all his videos on You Tube.

You may just get a good laugh yourself.

Where is that Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart?

joy

–noun 1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

We who follow Christ are called upon to be joyful.... always.
1 Thessalonians 5:16.

Hmmmm. This command has been a bit difficult for me lately.

I've been witness to a dozen recent heartbreaks.
Or heartDEVASTATIONS could be more like it.

*Colleen leaves behind 3 sweet girls and an adoring husband.
The big bully of cancer wins again. Really, God? JOY?

*A best friend suffers daily from the decisions of her ex. The cross is so heavy for her.
God, where are you?

*A local family, rock-solid in their faith, perish in a small plane crash in the middle of a storied park. Mom, Dad, Older Sister, Younger Sister. Leaving behind two older siblings. My heart is so heavy. Joy is weak.

*Family D., plitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Family M., splitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Family H., plitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Family O., plitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Personal friends, each one of these.
My heart is hushed.

*10 year camp counselor of my beloved Kanakuk is arrested on charges of being a sex predator.
There are no words.

*And then, a local shining star of a family, precious in every way, lose their son in a terrible accident. Mom is driving, tire blows out, car flips 4 times. 8 year old Zachary is gone.

Like that.

Poof. The flame in my heart that is supposed to be joy is extinguished. All that is left is some lingering smoke and a rancid smell that makes me want to retch.

How God, can you expect JOY from your children at such a time as this.

Be joyful always. 1 Thessalonians 5:16. It stings my ears.

But then comes a letter from a dad to a son. A son who is no longer alive on this earth.
A dad whose guts feel like they are strung out on the sidewalk, all bloody and grotesque.
A dad whose tears can't come hard enough or fast enough.

His son is gone.

This dad's letter will be the last words of this post, because I find it particularly astounding in the face of such pain.

The letter to Zachary (along with discussion on this topic at our mini-church last week) helped me open my mind to a thought.... .

....the thought that JOY is not ALWAYS a feeling. It can be and often is, but doesn't have to be and many times is not at all.

Much like LOVE isn't always a feeling. If you have a 2 year old, you know that even when the little darlin' marks your new couch up with your black sharpie and you want to strangle her...

you still LOVE her.

You are not feeling the love, but the love hasn't shifted a minutia.

Similarly, it occurred to me that joy is not necessarily a feeling.

The Christian can have joy even when he doesn't feel joy.

I think that it's actually called faith -

the absolute, unwavering assurance that God loves his children, he made us from dust, is with us moment in and moment out, has a plan for our lives on this earth and also has an everlasting future prepared for us in heaven.

That kind of JOY can be my strength. Phil. 4:13

I close by asking this question:
Can you see joy in the letter below? (used with permission from Christina, Zachary's mom)

Dear Zachary Austin,

Your mom, Hannah and I miss you dearly, but we know that you have been especially called to your mission field. While it is extremely painful for us to let you go, we know that the mission that has been chosen has a higher purpose that is good beyond all measure, but is hard for us to comprehend right now.

We tend to think your mission started last Monday, it actually started 8 years ago in March. From the first day, you began to teach us how to live and to be better than who we are. You shared that knowledge not only with us, but everybody you interacted with. I still remember praying with you at night before you went to bed that you would be a light to those around you and that others would know Christ through your actions and words. That prayer was continually answered. You always rose to the challenge of that prayer.

You continually amazed us in the number of people you touched through your easy way of making friends, your infectious laugh and ability to make others laugh, and your beautiful smile that could light up a room and a life. I would walk down the halls at church or at school, and people would pass by, young and old alike, saying “Hi Zach”. I would ask you who that was and you would tell me. It seemed to me that everybody knew you and that you knew everybody. You had a competitive spirit on the playground or playing field, but you also had a compassionate heart in the classroom. It didn’t matter whether it was someone who was athletically gifted or someone who had special needs, you simply treated them as a friend because they were your friend. I now see the reason for that. God had a plan for you from the first day we laid eyes on you.

As you grew, we began to see a boy that loved being outside and loved playing his sports. While you have always been a Momma’s boy, you were growing into Daddy’s boy. You loved to snuggle up with your Mommy at night, but you liked to throw the baseball or football with Daddy after work. Physical things became personal challenges to you. I can still remember trying to teach you how to ride a bike. I was never quite able to show you what it took to stay up on the two wheels so we put the bike away for a week. I came home one day and saw you riding the bike in the driveway and street while your Mommy was watching. I asked Mommy what she did to show you how to ride. She simply said she took you to a friend’s house where you saw a friend riding his bike. You told yourself, that if your friend could ride his bike, you could ride your bike too and you got up on your bike and rode it. You didn’t need your Daddy to teach you, you simply needed a friend to challenge you. You asked for a Rip-Stick for your birthday and had it mastered by the end of the week. You didn’t stop riding it until you had it figured out. We went skiing for the first time together and you didn’t let a portion of the slope that was a “black” stop you. Moguls became something you wanted to master instead of avoid. Those times were special to us and all part of your mission. Those were times that we could really see the spirit of Jesus in you.

During the last year, I got the privilege of baptizing you. It is something that I will never forget and always cherish. You had no problem publicly accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior because you had privately made the decision long before.

I won’t lie. It will be hard to go on without being able to touch you, but you are always in our hearts and live on in those people you touched. You continue to have an impact on people in the few days you have been gone, but I suspect that is all part of your mission and will not change in the days to come.

Mommy and I know that we are called to do God’s work where we are in this world, but we desperately look forward to the day that we can join you on your mission and you can show us around.

Love, Daddy, Mommy and Hannah

P.S. Give Nanna our love.

Astronomical

Tom and I took a little getaway to Las Vegas this summer. That vacation destination is not on my top ten list of places to go, however, due to a free plane ticket for me and Tom already traveling there on business, it was a way for us to have a nice mommy-and-daddy-only outing.
We stayed at a great hotel and went to some shows and slept in and ate out and enjoyed our time together.

What struck me this year wasn't the grandiose hotels, the slick and quick neon signs or even the casinos and their neverending beeping, humming and whirring with the occasional ding-ding-ding. It wasn't the entourage of media surrounding Blake Griffin when I saw him walk by or the live taping of Wheel of Fortune that I attended. (PARQUET was the winning word in the bonus round)It wasn't Blue Man Group (though that was the HIGHLIGHT of the trip) or the magical acts of Penn and Teller. It was the people.
The lines of people.
The crowds of people.The gargantuan scope of the human race came at me with full force while in Las Vegas.

People there, people here. Tall people, short people, brown people, yellow people, smiling people, sad people, people with blank stares, people alone, people in groups, people lost, people found. The old. The young. The hopeful. The confused. People from faraway. People who never moved from their space of cement.

There were so.many.people.

It is overwhelming and quite honestly unfathomable for me to consider the amount of lives represented in the city of Vegas, much less Nevada, much less the United States, much less North America, much less the world.

The world.

So how does God balance the sheer number of people on this earth with the innate need each of us have to connect with other human beings?

Friendship.

And that's when it hit me....

out of 6,706,993,152 people in the world (i looked it up)
He chose YOU to be my friend.
YOU to interact with.
YOU to laugh with.
YOU to raise my children with.
YOU to cry with.
YOU to have fun with.
YOU to ask questions.
YOU to be the object of my admiration and respect.
YOU to inspire me.
YOU to help me.
YOU to be helped.

Even my blogging buddies, who I have not met in person, but have met in heart.

So, if I know you, I'm not taking this thing lightly.

I'm thinking, with the amount of people currently in the world times the amount of years the earth has held human kind.... the chance that I know you and that you know me....

is pretty Astronomical.

Text Messages to God

During my freshman year of high school, one Brad Camp, Younglife leader, told us that praying was like talking on the phone. You just pick up the receiver and talk to God. The difference is you never have to hang up. That really stuck with me.

Back then, 20+ years ago, cell phones were only on the Jetsons. Who could have imagined text messages to God then? Call me crazy. That is exactly what I've been doing.

Like many of you, I pray throughout my days, whispering up little prayers of praise and requests for guidance and protection.

But I found there is something oddly satisfying and possibly therapeutic about typing out a text message to God. After all, prayers seems to be whisked off into the vast universe much like my text messages are. Where do they go? How do they get there? It's kind of all on faith. One difference isthat I see text messages charged on my bill at the end of the month, but God doesn't accept cash, check or credit card. Kinda amazing how free prayer is, huh? I know God hears my prayers, whether I pick up my prayer "phone" or my cell phone.

But lately, with adrenaline coursing through my body on a 24/7 cycle (stress!), the text messages slow me down and I say exactly what I want to say, purposefully. Even if it is in text message slang. Dear God, U r so gr8, so powrfl, & awesm. U hve r future n ur hands.

He gets it.

Want to try it? Just make that God is in your network of friends. ;-)

Three Words

You've heard the question asked before.

What would your obituary say about you?

Kanakuk family camp gave me something a little different to think about, however.

One night, Will Cunningham, the camp director, told us that his father's gravestone reads three words:

"He was kind."

That got me to thinking about how my life may be defined in one word.

One simple word.

Yes, I am a much more complex being than that.
However, if there was one word from the dictionary to be said about me, what would it be?

Right off the bat, I like "Anne was Kind" too. It has a certain ring to it. But am I that kind of kind? The kind of kind that sees every person through the eyes of Christ, consistently puts self 2nd and is defined by my altruistic spirit towards them. Not quite.

I'd love it to be "Anne was Organized," but after last night's debacle, there's no shot at that. Just suffice it to say that our family had gone to Luke's baseball game at 6:00 that was actually at 7:45, while at the same time, guests were arriving at our house for Luke's birthday party because I had mistakenly sent out the invitation for the wrong day. Nope. Anne is Organized is not going to fly.

Then, I think it could definitely go in the other direction.
I could be described as "Anne was Frustrated," "Anne was Envious," "Anne was Inconsistent" or "Anne was Conflicted." Or if you ask my kids, they may say "Anne was a Raving, Screaming Lunatic." Ok, that is more than one word.

Yikes what if I were
Anne was Hungry
Anne was Eating
Anne was Chocolate

That's a definite possibility.

It's easy for me to figure it out for others....
Katie was Passionate
Ida was Blessed
Chere was Insightful
Linda was Achieving
Ashley was Devoted
Laura was Sunshine
Lori was Simply Wonderful (woops, 2 words there)
Nicole was Crazy (just kidding girl, you know I LOVE you!)

I think I've got a shot at being
Anne was Focused (once I get my mind on something, I can knock it out of the park!)
Anne was Creative (probably one of my favorite things in the world - creativity)
Anne was Emotional (my blessing and my curse)

But seriously, could I qualify for even one fruit of the spirit?
Loving, Joyful, Peaceful, Patient, Gentle, Good, Faithful, Self-Controlled????

It's something to think about. What 3 words describe you?

The Box: Out or In?

Are you an "in the box" kind of person or do you think "out of the box?"

I am intrigued by out of the box thinking, mostly because I am a out of the box wannabe.

I am definitely NOT an in the box kind of girl - limitations and boundaries make me feel claustrophobic. However, I am sure that I am hindered by everyday, ordinary routines and structures, which make it easy to stay in the box, never venturing out into that realm of the exciting and creative unknown.

Lately, I read Randy Pausch's book The Last Lecture. Have you seen his last lecture? As he was suffering with terminal cancer, this inspirational and crazy intelligent man, gave his last lecture to his students at Carnegie Mellon. You can see it here.

I brought plenty away from his book, which is based on the lecture.

One thing that I'm trying to apply a little more liberally in my life and especially with my children is out of the box thinking.

Routine is great. Kids thrive on it.

But what is wrong with once in awhile...
Doing things differently.
Trying something new.
Being a nonconformist.
Encouraging innovation to solve problems.
Stepping out of that comfort zone.
Thinking out of the box.
Maybe making mistakes,
but then learning from them.
Thinking big!
Challenging the norm.
Creating new pathways.
Marching forth with creativity.

In my mind, these are all qualities of leaders. I know there's the big debate about leaders: are they born or made? But if there is any little way I can help my kids learn to think out of the box, well, I'm going to try it.

The kids wanted to paint the fort. With permanent paint. Ok... I must mentally let go of my
home looking perfect for the sake of creativity and plain old childhood memories.

(One chapter of The Last Lecture describes when Randy's parents allowed him to paint on the walls of his bedroom - pictures of whatever he wanted - in his case that was algebraic equations, but anyway, it inspired me!)

Go for it! I told the kids. Luke says he wants to take a bath in the sink. Our kitchen sink. Well, it's big enough. Why not? Sorry you germophobes out there. The thought of a boy's bottom in the kitchen sink probably makes you want to scream, but hey, I'm thinking out of the box here! Give me a break. And he's going to outgrow that sink real soon. There won't be baths in the sink much longer. Better be out of the box while we still can.So, tell me! Do you think in the box or out of the box? I'd love to hear some of your best out of the box mom moves. I'm still developing mine... so maybe I can think OUT OF THE BOX and use your moves on my own family!

What's the Lesson?

Things seem to be happening in my life that are right along the same theme.

The theme of Loser Mom.

And I am looking hard for the lesson.

***With 4 kids in tow (my 3 and a friend) and running on fumes (this was day 5 of Tom being out of town), I decided to take my kids to a church activity. Remember, we are going to a new church, trying to meet people, etc. We were to decorate the doors of the residents at a nursing home and then go bowling. Everything was fine until I stepped away from the group for a few minutes to retrieve some more valentines from the office. I left Luke behind with the other moms, which looking back was so amazingly dumb of me. He is a wild 5 year old boy. Sometime while I was gone, another mom of a kindergarten boy decided that she did not like Luke or his antics (he IS wild), and began telling him to calm down. Telling Luke to calm down is like telling the sun to stop rising. Things went from bad to worse and my hopeful good first impression went down the drain. Needless to say, we did not go bowling, and I cried the whole way home.

***Remember the coach who saw me forget both Ellie's and Luke's picture days? Well, last night, it got worse. I dropped Ellie at practice and ran over to Hobby Lobby to work on a couple of looming projects. Being EXTREMELY aware of the time, I was done and ready to head back with 10 minutes to spare (practice was only a 45 second drive away). That's when my phone rang. It was the coach. He said, "hey, practice is over, where are you?" This cannot be happening!!!! I guess they just ended practice early and that I shouldn't have cut it so close. My embarrassment factor is off the charts. I swear, I think I look like I am on drugs or something.

These are just two examples in my life that I would classify under "Loser Mom."

I KNOW I am NOT a loser mom (not looking for sympathy), but I just hate making these impressions on people. I feel like I am being unfairly judged. I just want to jump up and down and yell, "I am a responsible mom! I work very hard to discipline my children! I take care of details! I am really quite organized!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!!" But then I really WOULD be a loser mom, now wouldn't I.

I am looking for a lesson....

Could it be to....
1) try harder and think deeper? could be.

2) realize that i am going to make mistakes? that's already been proven.

3) slow down? well, uh, yeah.

All these have gone through my mind. But what I keep coming back to is this:
I need to care less what people think.

The Lord knows my heart. He knows how I parent.
Darnit, HE Himself gives me the measure of strength and energy to make it through each day.
And if I'm being unfairly judged, well, God knows that too.

and maybe, just maybe, He's telling me this...

that when I notice a MOM in a sticky situation, I can do this:
judge less and reach out more. GIVE MORE GRACE.

It just might make her day. (thanks Amanda for making mine yesterday.)