Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's That Time of Year Again

Once November hits, my world spins a little faster than normal.

Basketball season arrives.

If I could cuss on my blog, I would do that now.

Because (insert cuss word), it can really be tough on a family.

Yes, I am thankful my husband has a job. I am thankful I have a husband. I am thankful for health. Believe me, I am counting my blessings.

But allow me to whine for just one moment, will you? Because being married to a coach can really be (insert cuss word) sometimes.

The traveling. The losing. The injuries. The missing. The pressure. The stress. The unknown. The busyness. The absentness. The lonliness. The future. (insert cuss word)

I get this way every season. You think I'd get used to it. But it's hard to get used to your heart getting stripped dry. It is hard to get used to putting up the Christmas lights by yourself for the 14th year in a row. It is hard not to feel sad again when I turn on the radio and hear that the Golden Eagles have lost a game.

But every year, this year being no exception, God humbles me and reminds me that this is where he wants me. It is not coincidence that the dark and cold days of fall and winter are the days I am seeking His face most. It is in fact a privelege... because left to my own devices I would most certainly, certainly try to do it all on my own.

But November levels me. Reminds me.... I need God. I need Him on a very real and personal way. I need Him more than my fleeting prayers and my Sunday sermons and my quick look at His Word. I need Him like I need my next breath.

Basketball season gives me the opportunity to experience Him working in a very real and powerful way in my life. Giving me strength (and patience!) to deal with 3 demanding kids on my own. Giving me wisdom to understand that my life really does not depend on 12 college basketball players, but Him alone. Giving me more faith each and every year. I can feel it growing. It does hurt. But it's just a few faith growing pains. Reminding me that "the rock" is not that round orange ball, as it is sometimes called, but HIM.

He is my rock.

Then come the blessings. The assurance. The peace. They do come. Not immediately. Not at all immediately. Annoying slowly actually. But in His time.

I have a feeling I am not the only one. We all have the things that bring us to our knees. I want you to know I can relate. When you think you are the only one struggling with whatever. Just know I struggle too.

Deep breath.

The cussing is over for now. I am determined to trust in the Lord with all my heart and rely not on my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my paths. I pray you do the same.

6 Wonderful Responses:

momof4kr said...

If you only knew how badly I needed to read this today...

Kathleen said...

Awww...I do so feel your pain! While I can't say I know exactly how you feel (since I am not married to a coach!), I so get that feeling of loneliness and struggling to pull everything together on my own. And I know, why you can't always understand WHY you don't just get used to it for one year, one thing is for certain: you never do get used to it. I think if you DID get used to it, God would sure miss this time of your growth in Him!

Thank you for being so transparent. I so appreciate your positive outlook...yes, even in tough times. You are an inspiration.

Please know you can whine anytime!! :-)

Shannon said...

I do hear you loud and clear! The Captain is scheduled to be gone on Christmas. It is hard. I do feel sorry for myself - often. But I do know God always show us a silver lining if I have the patience or inclination to look for it. We just experience our blessings a little bit more uniquely than ever one else does. Thanks for your good words Annie - even the cuss words!

ellen said...

beautiful post...

and big hugs!

Whitney said...

Annie,

I feel your pain. I loose my husband every August and don't get him back until May (peak months for our business). I'll be praying for you. I know it doesn't change your situation, but just know that you aren't alone.

Thanks for your honesty.

Whitney

Rena said...

Annie,

I'm sobbing. Much louder inside than out, as Joe and Sophie (HEAVY BLANKIN SIGH) are asleep in the bed behind me.

I sat down to post for Thanksgiving. An expected, obvious sort of post just isn't there. Not now. Instead, I am focusing on "trying" to give thanks IN everything. Trying to push aside those awful feelings of frustration.

And you read my soul. Oh how God put you in my life! That alone causes the giving of thanks to well up inside of me. Yes, I'm thankful, too, for my husband and family.

But I'm especially thankful for my Saviour, my all-knowing, all-seeing Lord. I'm so grateful that He saw fit for me to visit YOUR BLOG before I read another single thing.

OH how this blessed me. NOT that you're suffering. But that you can--first--relate. And that you are real enough to be honest about this season of your life.

I'm so thankful for you, my friend. I wish I could come visit, fill in a lonely spot.

But I'm so glad that HE CAN! HE CAN! And I know He will for you. And I know He'll help me in this season of my life as well.

I love you, my friend!

Love covers,
Rena