Wednesday, December 31, 2014

{No Exact Title}

I have no exact title yet.

Mainly because for the last two and a half years, {I've had no words}.

But recently, I've been feeling a slight tug on my heart to find them.....

So just in brief--- since my last post on August 1, 2012.....

The biggest lesson I've learned is that {moving isn't for weenies}.

I can also say with certainty that {sometimes a lot of times, life doesn't make sense life is bonkers}.

and through it all, we are called to seek Him {Wholeheartedly}.

{Praise God for all His blessings!!!}.

{Moving isn't for weenies}

Haha and I am one.
A big, fat weenie.
Exploding with selfishness
when put over the campfire.

Man, I am not proud.
And strangely, I DID KNOW
this will be hard.
I must put my big girl panties on.

But I quickly traded the big girl panties
for a pacifier and dirty diapers.
Ugh. Again, I am not proud.
Wish I could have passed the test
with flying colors.
Wish I could have integrated into
this small town
like a red ant on a populated dirt hill

But William Wordsworth's sonnet keeps ringing in my ears:
"The World is Too Much With [Me]"
I felt and sometimes still feel every judging eye upon me.
I heard and sometimes still hear a loud cacophony of doubt in my own heart.
I mourned and sometimes still mourn the widening distance of old friendships.
Yes, the World is Too Much with me.
And to quote Taylor Swift, I can't shake it off.

It's funny, two different people whom I told I was moving,
had reactions that replay like a DVR in my mind....

These were people who had experienced moving
and who didn't seem like big, fat weenies to me,
..when I told them I was moving, they both
whispered, in hushed and horrified tones,
like hearing the news of an early and unexpected death "oh, I'm soo sorry."
One's eyes grew large and she shook her head slowly, pityingly...

Well, it was. It was!
And that's no reflection on the state of Illinois!
Or the southern region in which we reside.
Or the tiny town in which we settled.
It's just that this place wasn't home.
And it's missing the comforts of home.
And the friends of home.
And the restaurants of home.
And the boutiques of home.
Now we're really getting to what matters.  The shopping.
Ha.  Kidding not kidding.  Shopping matters.
Big fat weenies feel better after going shopping. Right?

Moving isn't for weenies.  I will preach it to the mountains.
It's true, through and through.
But it doesn't mean we weren't SUPPOSED to move
or that I am destined to be a weenie all my wiener long life.

Or that I wouldn't move with my family here to this place all over again.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

{I've had no words}

There have not been many times in my middle-aged life I've been without them.

But something about this life event (moving) took a toll on me and my loquaciousness.








The thought of blogging didn't even enter my mind.  Truth be told....I didn't even know what to say to my sister, much less how to express my words on a public blog.  I never really grasped a "moment of silence" or "period of mourning" until now.  I just unconsciously needed time to process.

Moving away from home certainly doesn't compare to many of life's other transitions, but moving reformats the human hard drive in a most painful way.  Moving strips one down to the barest of bones.  Truly and embarrassingly, I haven't even had the heart to listen to much music the last couple of years.  All music did was remind me of home - those memories brought pain.

But in the end, I think the reformatting and the stripping down an the hurting and the loss will give me more to offer than it did before.  I'm not there yet, but this is a start to getting my {words} back.