Disappointment

He stands imposingly in the doorway.
Broad shouldered, darkly staring me down.
Accusing. Glaring. Denouncing.

I steal a look at him and run weakly to my hiding spot,
like an injured rabbit.
Where my eyes grow bloodshot hot
and my heart red heavy.
Foolish. Scared. Embarrassed.

It seems impossible to face him.

To go up against him nose to nose.
Confident. Empowered. Believing.

I would rather not take the risk.
And turn inward.
Quiet. Paralyzed. Numb.

Or I would rather fight him like a crazy woman.
Swing my fist into his jaw, hair flying insanely.
Wild. Angry. Hurt.

Instead.

I will pick myself up.
I will walk calmly towards him.
I will give him a steel look in the eye.
Mouth set, I will say firmly,
"Move over. I am coming through."

Faith-filled. Moving forward. Expecting God's best.

Of Pumpkins and Mud

Once again, we went to the pumpkin patch in Bixby.

We enjoyed the usual elements:
mounds and mounds of bright orange pumpkins.
Cute little girls in kitty cat shirts.Interesting farm animals. Lots of 'em.Bags of feed for .50 cents apiece. Pony rides: $4.00.
Scarecrows and other photo ops. And something new for us this year: mud. See it on the pumpkin?
Look at the ground. It was impossible to avoid the sludge of muddy soup.
The mud on this boy is just a small sample of the total amount that covered him by the end of our visit. The pictures don't do the mud justice. The upside? Not many people decided to brave the mud like we did, so we had the whole sloppy place to ourselves. I tried to ignore the fact the mud won; it took me an entire day to get the boots, the blankets and my car free from the caked on baked on mud. The kids didn't care, in fact they had fun in spite or because of the mud!

Perfect Pairings

Here are Kami and her friends at "Gross Night" at Fellowship Bible. One activity included Mountain Dew, Baby Ruth Candy Bars, and an actual toilet. I will leave it at that. The final activity was the shaving cream war, below.



~Ezekiel 36:25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.

Kindergarten Confessions

You may remember our struggles with Luke's FIRST Kindergarten year. We had roughs and tumbles and timeouts and even a trip or two to the Principal. I think I about used up all my tears and brain cells trying to figure out what to do with the child.

After much talking and reading and discussing and praying, Luke is now in superkindergarten, and he has an alias. He has transformed into a boy named "L.J." Before school started, we heard that his class was bursting full of Lukes, so he took it upon himself to find a different name. Luke James dubbed himself L.J.

It's been such a fantastic year so far that I may insist that he goes by L.J. every year. Now, to clarify, we haven't had parent teacher conferences yet... however, it feels better. It feels like he is NOW ready for kindergarten. There seems to be a peace and a certainty with Luke's situation that I was afraid wouldn't find me for years. It probably helps that Luke's teacher is an angel sent straight to her earthly classroom strictly for one little 6 year old stinkbug named L.J. She's beyond fantastic.

Anyway, the boy just cracks me up. I walked by his classroom this morning and observed some of L.J. and his classmates' art on the walls. The children were apparently supposed to draw a picture of what their family likes to do together.

Here is Kylie's creation. She and her family enjoy swimming in Grandma's pool.Annette and her family love to go to church. How sweet.

L.J.'s friend Wyatt has a family who enjoys boating. I love Maya's picture of her family playing tic tac toe.

and here is L.J.'s picture. Read the bottom of the page: "My family likes to have fun together. Here is a picture of us. We are on a trip on a pirate ship." There is even a cannon firing and I believe we are holding guns. I hope that is Tom up on the mast.

Perfect Pairings

This weekend, Oliver Twist opened at our local children's theatre, in which Ellie played an orphan and a pickpocket. I caught this pic between scenes. She likes to hole up underneath some tables during the other kids' scenes and I thought she looked awful pitiful here - sad eyes. Though she has had fun pouring herself into a this role, the word of God says something very specific about people like Ellie's characters.
You're blessed when you've lost it all.
God's kingdom is there for the finding.
You're blessed when you're ravenously hungry.
Then you're ready for the Messianic meal.

You're blessed when the tears flow freely.
Joy comes with the morning.

The Message - Luke 6:20b

Hurtin' for a Good Laugh

My bones just need it.

And it's just not just a psychological thing, though I can be quite psycho at times.

It's scientific.
It's quantifiable.
It's physiological.

Check out how humor contributes to physical health: (according to this website)

Muscle Relaxation - Belly laugh results in muscle relaxation. While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relaxes. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax. So, the action takes place in two stages.

Reduction of Stress Hormones - Laughter reduces at least four of neuroendocrine hormones associated with stress response. These are epinephrine, cortisol, dopac, and growth hormone.

Immune System Enhancement - Clinical studies have shown that humor strengthens the immune system.

Pain Reduction - Humor allows a person to "forget" about pains such as aches, arthritis, etc.

Cardiac Exercise - A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging." Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning especially for those who are unable to perform physical exercises.

Blood Pressure - Women seem to benefit more than men in preventing hypertension.

Respiration - Frequent belly laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect - similar to deep breathing. Especially beneficial for patient's who are suffering from emphysema and other respiratory ailments.

Wow, do I ever need a good laugh.

I'm feeling the frustration of trying to be

everything to everybody on everyday at everymoment.

I am energetic PTA member

dependable soccer mom

yes lady to many a task

on-top-of-it Bible Study girl

keeper of the calendar

oh so athletic tennis mama HAHAHAHA

queen bee of the home

doctor and pharmacist

brillant tutor of math and reading

gourmet cook of many healthy dishes

yet chicken lickin skinny mini

thoughtful, loving, daughter

never-forgets-to-call grandaughter

super sister

awesome blogger

bubbly friend

adoring wonderiffic wife

supportive coach's spouse

taking one for the team

always fill in when you need her volunteer

never forget to pack a snack in the backpack kind of mom.

English Teacher Extrordiare

to put it another way....
I'm timekeeper, referee, and cheerleader.
And most of the time, the starting quarterback.
Heck, I also sell the tickets and clean up the crud after the game.

Pleaser

Parent

Prayer

Pillow
Pretty

Pickerupper

Planter of flowers

Part time Printshop

Previewer of Books, Movies and other media

Plucker of Attitudes

Player of Games

Piano Teacher

Protector of my kiddos

Passionate Preacher

Play Practice Princess

Phone Police
"Pick up Your Stuff" Yeller

Peace keeper

Party Planner

Poop Patrol

Producer of Eggs

Preventer of Accidents

PTA Phreak -(!!!!!)

Pretender to have it all together
Picker of noses

and other orifices.

Priveleged to do each and every one of these things.

But Prover of only one thing:

I can't do it all.

you can't do it all.

i know that i'm not the first one to feel this way.

So half-done.

So scattered.

So lacking.

Cause I can't effectively be all the things i really want to be.

But.

One thing I know that I am.

I AM a Child of the King.

I know the truth is that i only need to be what He wants me to be.

expectations and true desires aside.

Starting now.

And what he wants me to do right now, right this minute is laugh. Be healthy. Be happy.

Here are a few things that make me laugh:

Ellie is preparing her Nerd costume for Halloween. She found these glasses at the thrift store. She can always bring a smile to our faces.

My friend Kerry came into town from Thomas for a meeting and stayed here with us for one night. It was like having a cross between Lisa Kudrow and Anjelah Johnson in my house.

Kerry is so stinking funny.

I have always adored Calvin and Hobbes. Click on cartoon to get a closer laugh.




And finally, this guy cracks me up. Check out all his videos on You Tube.

You may just get a good laugh yourself.

Perfect Pairings

1 Peter 2:2 ~ Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.

Perfect Pairings" is a fun and easy way to blog. Just find a picture you like and then pair it with a scripture...or, vice versa, think of a scripture and try to find a picture to fit its theme. Then, post your link in the comment section here. What a great way to share a picture, and at the same time, honor God with His Word!

Celebrating the Birth of a Nature Lover

On Ellie's 9th birthday, we had a few friends and family come to Camp Loughridge, where we rented a slice of nature for the afternoon. Everyone fished, canoed, hiked and roasted marshmallows over a campfire. It couldn't have been any more perfect for Elle Belle, whose heart is at most at home in the Great Outdoors. I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. ~George Washington Carver
God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars. ~Martin LutherTo me a lush carpet of pine needles or spongy grass is more welcome than the most luxurious Persian rug. ~Helen KellerIf the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive. ~Eleonora Duse I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. ~e.e. cummings
Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another. ~Juvenal, Satires
Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers - for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are. ~Osho Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. ~John Muir
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. ~Albert Einstein

Where is that Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart?

joy

–noun 1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

We who follow Christ are called upon to be joyful.... always.
1 Thessalonians 5:16.

Hmmmm. This command has been a bit difficult for me lately.

I've been witness to a dozen recent heartbreaks.
Or heartDEVASTATIONS could be more like it.

*Colleen leaves behind 3 sweet girls and an adoring husband.
The big bully of cancer wins again. Really, God? JOY?

*A best friend suffers daily from the decisions of her ex. The cross is so heavy for her.
God, where are you?

*A local family, rock-solid in their faith, perish in a small plane crash in the middle of a storied park. Mom, Dad, Older Sister, Younger Sister. Leaving behind two older siblings. My heart is so heavy. Joy is weak.

*Family D., plitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Family M., splitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Family H., plitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Family O., plitting up. Separating. Divorcing. Moving far apart.
Little hearts are crushed.
Personal friends, each one of these.
My heart is hushed.

*10 year camp counselor of my beloved Kanakuk is arrested on charges of being a sex predator.
There are no words.

*And then, a local shining star of a family, precious in every way, lose their son in a terrible accident. Mom is driving, tire blows out, car flips 4 times. 8 year old Zachary is gone.

Like that.

Poof. The flame in my heart that is supposed to be joy is extinguished. All that is left is some lingering smoke and a rancid smell that makes me want to retch.

How God, can you expect JOY from your children at such a time as this.

Be joyful always. 1 Thessalonians 5:16. It stings my ears.

But then comes a letter from a dad to a son. A son who is no longer alive on this earth.
A dad whose guts feel like they are strung out on the sidewalk, all bloody and grotesque.
A dad whose tears can't come hard enough or fast enough.

His son is gone.

This dad's letter will be the last words of this post, because I find it particularly astounding in the face of such pain.

The letter to Zachary (along with discussion on this topic at our mini-church last week) helped me open my mind to a thought.... .

....the thought that JOY is not ALWAYS a feeling. It can be and often is, but doesn't have to be and many times is not at all.

Much like LOVE isn't always a feeling. If you have a 2 year old, you know that even when the little darlin' marks your new couch up with your black sharpie and you want to strangle her...

you still LOVE her.

You are not feeling the love, but the love hasn't shifted a minutia.

Similarly, it occurred to me that joy is not necessarily a feeling.

The Christian can have joy even when he doesn't feel joy.

I think that it's actually called faith -

the absolute, unwavering assurance that God loves his children, he made us from dust, is with us moment in and moment out, has a plan for our lives on this earth and also has an everlasting future prepared for us in heaven.

That kind of JOY can be my strength. Phil. 4:13

I close by asking this question:
Can you see joy in the letter below? (used with permission from Christina, Zachary's mom)

Dear Zachary Austin,

Your mom, Hannah and I miss you dearly, but we know that you have been especially called to your mission field. While it is extremely painful for us to let you go, we know that the mission that has been chosen has a higher purpose that is good beyond all measure, but is hard for us to comprehend right now.

We tend to think your mission started last Monday, it actually started 8 years ago in March. From the first day, you began to teach us how to live and to be better than who we are. You shared that knowledge not only with us, but everybody you interacted with. I still remember praying with you at night before you went to bed that you would be a light to those around you and that others would know Christ through your actions and words. That prayer was continually answered. You always rose to the challenge of that prayer.

You continually amazed us in the number of people you touched through your easy way of making friends, your infectious laugh and ability to make others laugh, and your beautiful smile that could light up a room and a life. I would walk down the halls at church or at school, and people would pass by, young and old alike, saying “Hi Zach”. I would ask you who that was and you would tell me. It seemed to me that everybody knew you and that you knew everybody. You had a competitive spirit on the playground or playing field, but you also had a compassionate heart in the classroom. It didn’t matter whether it was someone who was athletically gifted or someone who had special needs, you simply treated them as a friend because they were your friend. I now see the reason for that. God had a plan for you from the first day we laid eyes on you.

As you grew, we began to see a boy that loved being outside and loved playing his sports. While you have always been a Momma’s boy, you were growing into Daddy’s boy. You loved to snuggle up with your Mommy at night, but you liked to throw the baseball or football with Daddy after work. Physical things became personal challenges to you. I can still remember trying to teach you how to ride a bike. I was never quite able to show you what it took to stay up on the two wheels so we put the bike away for a week. I came home one day and saw you riding the bike in the driveway and street while your Mommy was watching. I asked Mommy what she did to show you how to ride. She simply said she took you to a friend’s house where you saw a friend riding his bike. You told yourself, that if your friend could ride his bike, you could ride your bike too and you got up on your bike and rode it. You didn’t need your Daddy to teach you, you simply needed a friend to challenge you. You asked for a Rip-Stick for your birthday and had it mastered by the end of the week. You didn’t stop riding it until you had it figured out. We went skiing for the first time together and you didn’t let a portion of the slope that was a “black” stop you. Moguls became something you wanted to master instead of avoid. Those times were special to us and all part of your mission. Those were times that we could really see the spirit of Jesus in you.

During the last year, I got the privilege of baptizing you. It is something that I will never forget and always cherish. You had no problem publicly accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior because you had privately made the decision long before.

I won’t lie. It will be hard to go on without being able to touch you, but you are always in our hearts and live on in those people you touched. You continue to have an impact on people in the few days you have been gone, but I suspect that is all part of your mission and will not change in the days to come.

Mommy and I know that we are called to do God’s work where we are in this world, but we desperately look forward to the day that we can join you on your mission and you can show us around.

Love, Daddy, Mommy and Hannah

P.S. Give Nanna our love.

Perfect Pairings

Waiting for the school bus, my little man turns into a little monkey.



Thank God for Psalm 139:7-8:

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.

Find more perfect pairings here!

Surrounded by Women

Well, not women yet, but girls and therefore,
a ton of
estrogen,
emotions
and lipstick.
How will such a
singular
testosterone bomb
fare around five (5)
female cousins and sisters
with no other boy
to speak of
in his immediate family?

Just bein' a momma
and wonderin'.

In With The New

New Things can happen at New Life Ranch.

We went there for a Labor Day Retreat

with the new church we are attending.

Take a look at the New: New place for our family to enjoy... New friend that God has given me.... New look at the egg toss...
New game to play with an egg... New canoing partners...
New water activity for Luke...
New horse to Ellie (Hadi)...New buddy for Luke... A new day at the Ranch... And, most excitingly, a new life in Christ!!!!!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, she is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!!!

Congratulations Tiffani

and I count it as a privelege to not only have met you,

but to witness you beginning your new relationship

with God through Jesus Christ.

It is the single most important decision anyone could ever make...

to accept Jesus into their heart as the way, the truth and the life.

(John 14:6)